A Generic Fanfic
Author's Notes: This is basically a fanfic that makes fun of all the generic and cliched plot devices that are often used in Shippy and/or lemon fics. This is not meant to insult any one particular fic. Some fics I actually like have a few of these elements. This is just a blending of many of the overused plot developments.
Begin voice of Generic Fanfic Writer-
Disclaimers: Um, I don't own them, if I did I'd be rich! But I'm poor so don't sue me, all you'd get is a toothbrush or something stupid like that. I worked really hard on this fanfic, so please send me feedback! But no flames.
(Ash, Misty and Brock are walking along a road)
Ash: Well, on to the next town to earn another badge! I'm going to be a Pokemon Master some day!
Misty: Oh, Ash, you always say that, but it hasn't happened yet! When is the last time you even caught a Pokemon?
Ash: Stop putting me down, Misty, I...AAAAHHHHH!
(Ash trips on a branch and falls down)
Misty: Ash! Are you all right?
Ash: Well, my leg kinda hurts...
Misty: Oh, I'm so sorry that I was teasing you! It's all my fault that you're hurt! Seeing you in pain, it just makes me...Oh, Ash, I love you!
Misty: What's wrong?
Ash: I dunno, it just seems strange that you'd suddenly say that. I mean, it's kind of out of character for you, isn't it?
Ash: Why did you just tell me hello?
Misty: No, I said "HAI", not "HI". H-A-I. It's Japanese for "yes".
Ash: Why would you just out of the blue start talking in Japanese? Haven't we been talking in English all this time so far?
Misty: Well, yeah, but if I didn't use any Japanese words, how would the author make him or herself feel all important and knowledgeable?
Ash: Good point.
Misty: Well, I have to go do something lame like find a pond for my Psyduck to swim in. I guess that'll give you some time to talk to Brock, Ash.
(Misty walks off)
Brock: Well, now that she's gone...Ash, did you ever think about your feelings for Misty?
Brock: Well, she just admitted that she loves you. You guys fight so much, I suspect you really like her.
Ash: Where is all this coming from?
(Misty suddenly shows up)
Misty: I'm back! What should we do now?
Brock: I think it's time for us to have some graphic sex with our Pokemon.
Ash: Why on Earth would we do THAT?
Brock: I haven't a clue.
(Jesse and James suddenly show up)
Jesse: Prepare for trouble!
James: And make it double!
(insert the entire motto here, as if everyone doesn't already know the motto. Also, the word devastation is spelled like this: divistation)
Jesse: Hand over that Pikachu, twerp!
Ash: Aw, but I was just about to have graphic sex with it!
James: Weezing, go!
Ash: Pikachu, thundershock!
(Pikachu sends Jesse, James, and their Pokemon blasting off)
Jesse: You screwed up again!
(Jesse smacks James)
James: I'm sick of you yelling at me and hitting me!
(James smacks Jesse right back)
Jesse: Huh? You just hit me! That doesn't seem like something you'd EVER do!
James: Yes, but it's a convenient plot device to get us together.
Jesse: Does that mean that now I have to act like a wimp and cry and beg you to forgive me?
James: It's either that, or I think we have to go force some of the twerps to have sex with us.
(Jesse quickly thinks over her options)
Jesse: Oh, James, I'm so sorry I've been such a bitch! Please forgive me!
(With no explanation, the scene suddenly shifts back to Ash and the gang. Gary is there for some reason.)
Gary: I'm going to kidnap you, Misty!
(Gary grabs Misty and runs off)
Brock: That was odd! Gary's always been irritating, but it's not like he's EVIL or something!
Ash: Oh, don't you SEE, Brock!?
Brock: No, I don't have any eyes.
(Ba-da-da-DUM! Bet you haven't heard THAT one before!)
Ash: Don't you understand? This is only another weak plot twist to make me and Misty get together! We're in...
(the theme from 'Jaws' plays)
Ash: A GENERIC FANFIC!
Brock: Oh, no! Does this mean I'm going to have to have sex with James?
Ash: Probably, Brock. Probably.
Brock: It's strange that you're the one that figured it out, though. Aren't you usually really dense?
Ash: I'm supposed to be out of character, Brock! I told you, we're in a generic fanfic!
Brock: Well, I guess we have to go rescue Misty.
(Ash and Brock go find Gary and Misty)
Misty: You came to rescue me!
(Misty jumps away from Gary and into Ash's arms)
Misty: You're such a jerk, Gary! Ash is great, why do you always make fun of him?
Gary: But, you make fun of him more than I do.
Misty: Oh, well, I have to go do something lame again.
(Misty walks off)
Ash: I was just thinking about how we used to be friends, Gary, and so I've just suddenly decided to say that I love you!
Gary: What a coincidence, I was just thinking the exact same thing! I love you, too!
Ash: Cool! I'll make Pikachu go into its Pokeball so that I can be free to make out with you.
Gary: Um...Pikachu has never agreed to go into its Pokeball, even in a life and death situation. Why would it suddenly agree to now, just so that we can make out?
Ash: Shut up dude, do you want to make out or not?
Gary: Oh, right.
(Pikachu happily jumps into its Pokeball with no complaints. Ash and Gary start making out.)
Brock: Don't mind me...
(Jesse and James show up)
James: We're back! And this time, we'll get that Pikachu!
Jesse: Yeah!...Hey, wait a minute, where IS Pikachu? And what's the twerp doing???
James: Uh...I'm a crossdresser.
Jesse: Oh, well, I have to go do something lame.
(Jesse walks off)
Brock: James, did you know that all my woman chasing is just a cover up for my homosexuality?
James: I've always been attracted to you, Brock. Because, as I mentioned, I'm a crossdresser. Maybe we should get together.
Brock: Great idea!
(Brock and James start making out. Suddenly, Jesse and Misty come back)
Misty & Jesse: Oh, my Gods! What are you doing?
(Ash stops making out with Gary and looks guiltily at Misty)
Ash: I'm sorry, Misty! You're my best friend! I never meant to hurt you!
(James stops making out with Brock and looks at Jesse)
James: You're my best friend, Jesse! I don't want to hurt you! I'm all confused and don't know what to do!
Ash: I am also all confused!
(Everyone just stands around and looks at each other)
Gary: What do we do now?
Brock: I think at least one of us has to commit suicide.
Ash: But who?
Gary: Hmm, well, isn't it usually Misty?
Misty: Waahh, why do I always have to be the one to die? It's not fair!
Ash: Sorry Misty, but we're in a generic fanfic. Rules are rules.
(Misty stomps off to go kill herself over Ash)
Ash: Damn! Now I think I have to have a mental breakdown!
Gary: Don't worry, Ash, I'll be here to comfort you!
(Ash and Gary start making out again)
Jesse: Well, this is boring. Let's disregard everything that's happened in the plot so far and go home, James.
James: There was a plot?
(the scene shifts to some cabin where Jesse, James and Meowth are staying)
Meowth: I have to go do something lame. I guess this will give you two some time alone!
James: Jesse, there's something I want to tell you, but I can't quite seem to get it out...
Jesse: Doesn't surprise me.
(meanwhile, outside, Meowth runs into some random girl)
Mewoth: Hey! You should watch where you walk!
Random Girl: Your right. I shouldn't have been in you're way.
Meowth: That sentence made no sense.
Random Girl: I know. The author of this fic, like so many people, has great difficulty grasping the complex and subtle differences between the words "your" and "you're".
Meowth: I can understand that! It's so confusing! One is possessive, and the other means "you are". How can you keep them straight? It's not like it's a clue that "you're" is the one that is short for "you are" and therefore has an apostrophe! My brain is about to short circuit just trying to comprehend it!
Random Girl: Well, I have to go into this cabin and talk to Jesse and James. Do you think there home?
Mewoth: Yeah, I know their home, I just came from in they're.
Random Girl: OK!
(Random Girl walks into the cabin)
Jesse: Who are you?
Random Girl: I'm a beautiful but boring character that the author made up that no one cares about!
James: What's your name?
Girl: I'm Sundance, pleased to meet you...
(James stares at Sundance)
Jesse: What are you doing here?
Sundance: I'm part of your team, now!
James: You're pretty cute.
Sundance: Yeah, you're not bad yourself!
Jesse: OK, I'm jealous of Sundance, I've realized that I love James, can this be over now?
James: Yeah, Sundance, sorry, but I love Jesse, and I'm really tired of this reject fic, too.
Sundance: OK, I give up, I guess I can't break up a team as close as you two. I'll be on my loser way.
(Sundance leaves. Jesse and James sit there and stare blankly at each other.)
Jesse: Why isn't it over yet?
James: I think we have to kiss.
(Jesse and James start making out)
Epilogue: Ash became a Pokemon Master, and everyone else achieved their goals, and everybody married everybody and had some kids, and they all lived happily ever after. Maybe there will be a sequel to this if I get enough positive feedback!
-End voice of generic fanfic writer